Poems · writing

Diluted and Somber

I've tried to make families from dozens of friends
But they never seem to stick through the end
Destructive decisions, shorter conversations.
With all of these failures I shouldn't pretend
That I've got such a lot
Of time.

And if there is something missing from me
Getting by from the skin of my teeth
If you don't want me around here that's fine
It's starting to get easier
Most of the time.

My brain likes to lie to me
Saying they've all abandoned me
And every Nana Grizol song still makes me cry

I'm trying to heal
And I never had an adolescence
Worth talking
About.
And that makes me bitter
And that makes me scared
I'm worried that somehow it's made me impaired.

Turn me into a melody
Someone worth singing about
Pull me from this waking dream
Tell me how to symbolize, to categorize all of my thoughts into digestible chunks for everyone
to see,
to look at,
to measure.

My confidence was lost when I didn't have a tether.
Run-on sentences
Angry over grievances
Too tired to care.

I've run miles in words
But they're never good enough.
I can never get my point across and,
Simplification lacks luster.

Welcome to the end of my rope for the day.
Where body-heat has cooled to a contemplative dew.
I've never been the type to run quiet with rage
Though sometimes the silence speaks louder.