A painting of a woman, Seen through the eyes of a girl. Wide, wondering, How she could have been so Tired. Stretched out skin, A pallor unbecmoning; An echo of teenage elasticity;^,,, Losing the plasticity of youth. Do you know her? A droll mask of age. Predictable in her grooves, The shadows haunting eyes, Heart, Mind. ...and do you mind? If she sits awhile nearby. Face reflecting on water; where she would like to be.
Poetry should not be hindered by objectivity
The only thing it needs to be
Is a catalyst born from brevity.
Poetry is shaking hands and carpal tunnel
It is rhyming schemes and a tattered journal
It is now, tomorrow, yesterday, and maybe later.
It comes from the rain, bubbling out,
the laughter from a baby’s mouth.
It changes with the seasons
It grows in both directions
Every new passion,
forges a new page;
A style immortalizing moments in that way.
And there when you look is where you’ll always find me.
Compounded in the confines,
the freedom in my poetry.
Hot flashes colliding in a sun car
The intensity of a look
The baring of soul
Framed by the absurdity of my socked foot
We swallowed each other whole
Started back at school which always make me more productive lol. Will hopefully start posting more regularly again. Thank you everyone who’s continued to follow me it really means a lot❤️
I've tried to make families from dozens of friends
But they never seem to stick through the end
Destructive decisions, shorter conversations.
With all of these failures I shouldn't pretend
That I've got such a lot
And if there is something missing from me
Getting by from the skin of my teeth
If you don't want me around here that's fine
It's starting to get easier
Most of the time.
My brain likes to lie to me
Saying they've all abandoned me
And every Nana Grizol song still makes me cry
I'm trying to heal
And I never had an adolescence
And that makes me bitter
And that makes me scared
I'm worried that somehow it's made me impaired.
Turn me into a melody
Someone worth singing about
Pull me from this waking dream
Tell me how to symbolize, to categorize all of my thoughts into digestible chunks for everyone
to look at,
My confidence was lost when I didn't have a tether.
Angry over grievances
Too tired to care.
I've run miles in words
But they're never good enough.
I can never get my point across and,
Simplification lacks luster.
Welcome to the end of my rope for the day.
Where body-heat has cooled to a contemplative dew.
I've never been the type to run quiet with rage
Though sometimes the silence speaks louder.
Sometimes breathing is the only function I can manage.
An automatic process.
Meanwhile you're paralyzed by the mess
A cardiac arrest of the mind,
Out of reach, out of mind, didn't know we'd run out of time.
I dreamt of something I no longer need.
A memory of a time when you were still here to talk through it all with me.
And aren't you?
I've been here before and I've never been born and I don't know how to think of the sea anymore.
If the skies could give you back to me,
If you could just lend me your shoes,
I promise I'd get them back to you
But only if you'll stay,
Only if you'll stay.
My aux cord is broken and every song on the radio reminds me of things I want to forget.
You stayed away when I asked you to,
Kept up with me to see how I’d bleed.
Fond memories curdle at the influx of regret.
Why do I bother wasting my thoughts on you?
It wasn’t enough to ruin the Fall for me,
You had to go and take December too.
I lie and say you stayed away because I told you not to come back.
What a lovely little game we played,
Moving chess pieces around in your reality,
It was always on the terms of another.
I gave up everything but I always lost you, didn’t I?
You don’t care.
And, after all, when you were gone, the earth still moved.
Somehow I’ve acquired peace,
Fallen safely in love again.
A gentle caring thing,
Sweeter than I ever dreamed.
Laying in your arms I lied about anything being fine.
But now when I say it,
I apologize in advance for the mess you’re about to read, I just watched a movie where the dialogue/thought processes of the characters were similar to this, a sort of ongoing never-ending cacophony of words. Sort of dreamlike where you start somewhere without knowing how, and end up somewhere else without trying to.
So afterwards my thoughts were following a similar pattern and that’s kind of how I’d like you to read it. (Or not that’s totally up to you)
I was going to post it without any kind of explanation, but I wanted you to know what you were getting into. A true word-vomit of a pseudo-intellectual run-on sentence fueled by memories and fears and whatever else was going on when I blacked out and wrote this.
Enjoy. (You probably won’t I don’t think any of this will relate to anyone except me lol)
Where do you stop and where do you end and how does anything even begin if you’re waiting waiting waiting
I come to the conclusion that this was all madness and a mistake and we got to but that was your ending not mine you act like you have a right to choose when I had no say in the matter it’s a choose your own adventure which should be something mutual you decide hey let’s go to page eleven not I’ve read ahead and this is where it’s supposed to end-this is where we go and drag me along to whatever future therapist appointment you put me through and there again I see a face your face in everything and everyone and I need to live in the present but what is the present anyway standing half naked in the bathroom fallacies running running in a head that’s turning towards nothing but guesses and wishes and fears
Suddenly the kitten is the cat and the child is the woman and oh she has so much to bear how can she know it all now when she has an encyclopedia written in Spanish French Japanese and she never took her studies seriously so what’s to learn where to go
A poet and that’s all a lover and that’s all a person and that’s all nothing more just friends just hiding behind things no one wants to say or feel or judge to be true if there’s anything to judge at all I would blame you for lying and what is that anyway but a sorry excuse to be blameless when no one can be
You put on a sweater and tell me run on poetry is meaningless coming from a mind half jumbled with numb thoughts of disaster of hope of certainty dashed by someone else’s fears delusions surviving on conditional love a tired old speech falling on tired old ears that never listened when they could deny deny deny any attachment any abandonment any admissions at all
Lying for the sake of it a mother ambassador cell warden general hopped up on concern dished out in quiet mumblings a beseeching of truths too dishonest to matter a frog in hot water doesn’t realize the lies its mother tells until they become its own
A speech from lips shadowed by another’s and who could go on anyway scrounging after love after acceptance after peace after misery after missing love connection home it’s winter and there’s no one to come home to
Not the right kind not the permanent kind always fluctuating nebulous none committal cyclical hypocrisy But that’s just it then toothpaste on the counter never a lover chirping to the sound of diligent waves and a love without conditions was too foreign to calm could not be enough
Figure it out a purring sense of broken edges bent into places you never said you’d take me
The trance is gone.
Cleaning up corpses on the freeway,
Bloody spatter for miss November.
Moving on from Hollywood.
We’ve missed November, I’ll start when it’s over
And over it’s been in my mind again.
So it goes, lost in the wind.
Circling back, dropping the pin,
In a room too full to notice it’s ran out of gin.
Startled into recompense;
Turning it over til it all makes sense.
November was missed and I’ll start again,
Buckling under the rain.
So it goes, running thin.
You’ve grown too fat, you’ve gotten too short, the mind scolds the broken heart.
She’s working around it but nobody notices the note left out in the bin.
So it goes,
She found it hard to remember,
Her way back into life again.
So it goes.
Don’t stop me.
This one was kind of a mish-mash of ideas on my drive home late at night, hence the sort of jarringly different stanzas as the tone of it changed once I got home to work on it.
I tried adding little transitions between stanzas as a way to make it flow a little better. Not sure how well it worked but I liked it enough to publish it, so.
Thank you for reading!
I’ve felt skin hot as steering wheels
Bursting through a sickening cityscape
I see you leaving—don’t forget your tears
There is dust on the dust of your slight renown.
Sometimes I convince myself that my teeth could bite through metal
That the razor edges would do nothing to the soft parts of my mouth
That I wouldn’t bleed
Sometimes I think that I could crush glass between my fingers
That the glazed sand would find no purchase on my soft tissue
That I wouldn’t tear
Sometimes I imagine that if you were here I would be able to stand it
That the sound of your voice would be nothing but a residual melody in my mind. Your face an inkblot.
That I wouldn’t crumble.
But I know, I know, I know.
The moments tick by and I know.
I bleed, I tear, I crumble.
I am no match for the dreams that play in my head