Poems · writing

Lover’s Descent

Orpheus, I’ve often wondered, why did you look if you knew your love was behind you?

But time and distance, silence and pain are enemies of love.

You feared she was gone.

I understand now. That longing, burning sensation of loss. You won’t know if you’ve made it until you see the light, or turn around and watch your life taken away.

Small mistakes tumbling down and piling up

Unfortunate lies soon discovered bury us under their once insignificant weight

Where were we living that we were so free?

What ever gave us the idea of exception from pain?

A child’s naivety

A Romantic heart

We’re torn apart

I do miss you.


I forgot to post yesterday! That’s my April Fool’s prank, I suppose. This is one from a couple months ago

Poems · writing

Out Of Line

Frost bitten, love ridden

Cracked and bitter lips frame one of those smiles that keep you up at night sometimes

My coat does nothing to keep out the cold.

In this quiet kind of sadness,

I’m missing those warmer months.

A trapeze.


A shorter one from a couple months ago

Poems · writing

Nefelibata

Last night I dreamt of you again 

We met in the place where this first began

When we left people behind in favor of each other

Inconsiderate now, but we couldn’t think of another 

Options are hard to find when you’re too in love for peace of mind.

I met you in that place and you didn’t disappear

You pulled me close,

I breathed you in,

The whole world seemed to resume its spin

I cannot tell you the vividness of this dream.

Lifting my chin, you said to me,“When all is too much to bear, you can come and find me here. It will not go away, but you can stay, and I promise not to disappear.”

As you whispered this to me, your body acquired a kind of translucency.

Still I held onto you, as I so often do, when we’re hidden away from the world. 

Waking up as you disappeared,

I knew you were still far from here.

But, still drunk on the remnants of that vision,

Something about it left me shaken

Can spirits collide in the dead of night? 

Did I really see you there before we said goodbye?

As the morning brightened, sharpened my mind,

I left those fantasies behind

There’s something to say, though, about finally coming home,

Even if just for a little while

Old stuff · Poems · writing

Thinking in Watercolor

My body is haphazard stitches and broken bones. Tear me to shreds, I no longer fear an injured heart. This one shattered long ago.

My skin is patchwork veins, open wounds, and I cannot keep my tongue from lolling out. Spitting, screaming, it has a will all its own.

My mind should be compared to drops of rain, pattering to the ground at random interludes of cloud and sky.

Because, like them, my thoughts fly and fall at random, never striking the same spot twice.

My feelings are composed of watercolors, bleeding into each other, until even the ignorant child who mixed them cannot tell the red from the green.

[2013]


I don’t know if I personally like this one too much. I just found it in an old journal and I added a little to the beginning

Old stuff · Poems · writing

Never Enough

Inspiration fine as silk blown away by a fluttering of eyelashes, a pair of eyes too bright, a connection from one soul to another

Too fast.

Too soon.

Blooms grow from these solid bones this sordid flesh of mine

No one means to hurt not really

The mind can be a comforting thing in the face of our misery, never thinking twice of the wounds it will leave behind.

Take a breath, try to speak, and find you have nothing to say

They can see it all. Staring into yourself you know there is a flame within trying so hard to flicker out failing time and time again

Children learn to tie their shoes to count by two

Children learn to tie up strings to fall in love with dirty things

Fingers tracing new horizons we color outside the lines

Dreaming is my drug of choice the only side effect a heart void of this world and its inhabitants

Every day the same causes a shift of the beat inside, strumming in staccato the words and visions I cannot reclaim as I try to explain in these too little sentences some desire deep inside

Beat yourself black and blue marvel at the change as blood attempts to flow again through your broken veins

[Written sometime in 2013/2014]

aUtHoRs nOtE: Writing the tags makes me realize how sad some of my stuff is and it’s a little depressing LOL.

Poems · writing

Saudade

I walk in a silence I’ve never known before

Breathing in expectations that catch in my throat

It’s so hard for me not to rhyme, I…I’m breaking my pattern.

You didn’t let me go. You threw me to the ground and set the forest ablaze before you took off running. There’s no trace of you now. Only ash.

In my heart, though, the fire didn’t catch.

(Who was it that gave you the match? )


Happier times are left behind

Are you glad this war is over?

It continues to rage for me and it’s baffling

That you’d still roll on your back for her

A mother, it’s true, but I have a mother too

And she will never see what’s inside. 


I know she holds you in her grip

A small fawn taking all her spit

My dear William your debt cannot be paid.

Just remember my sweet voice and realize you still have a choice 

I will not hate you for running away


My hummingbird heart beats slow these days

Some kind of apathy has taken over the reins

And being a broken wreck like this

Isn’t it meant to call in some sort of metamorphosis?

No. I’ve changed on my own. But their decision, and your acceptance, has worn me to the bone. 

Saudade.

 Incomplete.