Poems · writing

The Unknown

A painful rhythm
Lungs fill
Choking on realties
While the water weeds
Lie still.

She calls in the empty night
Silent wanderer
Taking flight.
Reverberations of
Feathered sound.

An owl can only know so much.
Her wings glide,
Slow.
Now the world guides her back,
Over the garden wall.
Poems · writing

See You in Seattle

Opportunity is gentle in her lust.
Emptied,
Shattered,
These particles run amok and
I miss you so much.

How silly to think this was it.
A gentleman
A vagrant
A perfect fit.

Now sinking,
A vessel of anxiety,
A boat on the high sea,
A tidal wave forgotten in this misery.

Our flame it burns so brightly
A scream rendered silent ever nightly
I wander.
Wonder.
Running into ghosts of you
Forever stuck in September.
Poems · writing

Ars Poetica

Poetry should not be hindered by objectivity

The only thing it needs to be

Is a catalyst born from brevity.

/

Poetry is shaking hands and carpal tunnel

It is rhyming schemes and a tattered journal

It is now, tomorrow, yesterday, and maybe later.

/

It comes from the rain, bubbling out,

the laughter from a baby’s mouth.

It changes with the seasons

It grows in both directions

/

Every new passion,

pain,

forges a new page;

A style immortalizing moments in that way.

/

And there when you look is where you’ll always find me.

Compounded in the confines,

the freedom in my poetry.

Poems · writing

Morbidity of Love

Hot flashes colliding in a sun car

The intensity of a look

The baring of soul

Framed by the absurdity of my socked foot

We swallowed each other whole


Started back at school which always make me more productive lol. Will hopefully start posting more regularly again. Thank you everyone who’s continued to follow me it really means a lot❤️

Poems · writing

Diluted and Somber

I've tried to make families from dozens of friends
But they never seem to stick through the end
Destructive decisions, shorter conversations.
With all of these failures I shouldn't pretend
That I've got such a lot
Of time.

And if there is something missing from me
Getting by from the skin of my teeth
If you don't want me around here that's fine
It's starting to get easier
Most of the time.

My brain likes to lie to me
Saying they've all abandoned me
And every Nana Grizol song still makes me cry

I'm trying to heal
And I never had an adolescence
Worth talking
About.
And that makes me bitter
And that makes me scared
I'm worried that somehow it's made me impaired.

Turn me into a melody
Someone worth singing about
Pull me from this waking dream
Tell me how to symbolize, to categorize all of my thoughts into digestible chunks for everyone
to see,
to look at,
to measure.

My confidence was lost when I didn't have a tether.
Run-on sentences
Angry over grievances
Too tired to care.

I've run miles in words
But they're never good enough.
I can never get my point across and,
Simplification lacks luster.

Welcome to the end of my rope for the day.
Where body-heat has cooled to a contemplative dew.
I've never been the type to run quiet with rage
Though sometimes the silence speaks louder.
Poems · writing

I Only Walk in Your Shoes

Sometimes breathing is the only function I can manage.
An automatic process.
Meanwhile you're paralyzed by the mess
A cardiac arrest of the mind,
Nothing solid.
Out of reach, out of mind, didn't know we'd run out of time.

I dreamt of something I no longer need.
A memory of a time when you were still here to talk through it all with me.
And aren't you?
Are you?
I've been here before and I've never been born and I don't know how to think of the sea anymore.

If the skies could give you back to me,
If you could just lend me your shoes,
I promise I'd get them back to you
But only if you'll stay,
Only if you'll stay.
Poems · writing

I don’t know if I’m mean or petty but I’m definitely something and it’s all in here.

My aux cord is broken and every song on the radio reminds me of things I want to forget.


You stayed away when I asked you to,

Kept up with me to see how I’d bleed.

Fond memories curdle at the influx of regret.


Why do I bother wasting my thoughts on you?

It wasn’t enough to ruin the Fall for me,

You had to go and take December too.

I lie and say you stayed away because I told you not to come back.


What a lovely little game we played,

Moving chess pieces around in your reality,

It was always on the terms of another.

I gave up everything but I always lost you, didn’t I?


You don’t care.


And, after all, when you were gone, the earth still moved.

Somehow I’ve acquired peace,

Fallen safely in love again.

A gentle caring thing,

Sweeter than I ever dreamed.

Laying in your arms I lied about anything being fine.

But now when I say it,

I’m right.

Poems · writing

A Letter to Ma Mei

It doesn’t make sense that you’re gone.

Some days it feels like I could still reach you if I tried.

Your name is still in my phone

Did it used to be that easy?

You’ve always believed in me so completely.

I promised we’d watch Cinderella again;

Was I really so busy?

Was anything I had to do better than spending time with you?

You were the safest place I had.

I know you wouldn’t want me to cry but you’d still make it feel alright to do so.


This isn’t even a poem anymore I just miss you.

I don’t understand.

I would go to those fuckin creepy nursing homes that you loved so much just to sing with you again.

My thoughts keep colliding with the fact that you’re gone.

How is it possible?

No new memories to share.

No new stories to tell.

No phone calls to ask how I’m (and everyone else) is doing.

Your name is still in my phone.

How can you really be gone?

I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied with the answer.

Poems · writing

Death is No One’s Friend

Every problem that I've ever had has turned rotten in my mouth.
A stone or a bezoar stuck in my throat.
A heavy dark bird resting solidly on my chest, softly chiding me to accept, accept.

House of life and death,
Security and emptiness.
It's all one and it's all nothing while life seems to promise forever.

That stupid lie we tell ourselves while we're still too young to know.
I don't want you to go.
I don't want you to go.
Please keep me young enough not to know.
I don't want you to go.
Poems · writing

Stagnation Vacation

I’m writing songs in the wake of our four years.


I’m writing songs in order to bury you.


Our final few months were spent dragging along our former selves.


No room to adjust to the growth and no chance to heal the scars.


During this time I loved the shell of you. Waiting for the inside to match what I saw of your exoskeleton.


You had the ability, you have the ability to fight it and you don’t.


By the way,


When you said you wanted a threesome I didn’t know it would include your mother too.


No acknowledgement of relationship until you decided you were through.


And now that you’re fucking some other bitch you have the nerve to say get over it.


You said that you loved me, and that “we got to”. Some empty words are never true.


You gave up. You stopped trying. I hope you got my letter.