I’m writing songs in the wake of our four years.
I’m writing songs in order to bury you.
Our final few months were spent dragging along our former selves.
No room to adjust to the growth and no chance to heal the scars.
During this time I loved the shell of you. Waiting for the inside to match what I saw of your exoskeleton.
You had the ability, you have the ability to fight it and you don’t.
By the way,
When you said you wanted a threesome I didn’t know it would include your mother too.
No acknowledgement of relationship until you decided you were through.
And now that you’re fucking some other bitch you have the nerve to say get over it.
You said that you loved me, and that “we got to”. Some empty words are never true.
You gave up. You stopped trying. I hope you got my letter.
I want you to know that I’m trying to hate you.
To put every little thing you’ve done into a box and throw it into the river that made you realize you still loved me.
Let it sink to the bottom along with your near-death and dissolve into spent memories settling into the sediment.
Sway and move with the current.
William and Margaret,
A watery marriage bed,
Left to drown under the force of a Mother’s love.
But I pulled you and I called you here,
And now instead of saying goodnight, I’ve finally found the breath to say goodbye.
Nothing within me
Nothing without me
I can’t find the will,
To keep from doubting.
Apply it to what you wish,
Ice will melt in its time
The fever passes
Orpheus, I’ve often wondered, why did you look if you knew your love was behind you?
But time and distance, silence and pain are enemies of love.
You feared she was gone.
I understand now. That longing, burning sensation of loss. You won’t know if you’ve made it until you see the light, or turn around and watch your life taken away.
Small mistakes tumbling down and piling up
Unfortunate lies soon discovered bury us under their once insignificant weight
Where were we living that we were so free?
What ever gave us the idea of exception from pain?
A child’s naivety
A Romantic heart
We’re torn apart
I do miss you.
I forgot to post yesterday! That’s my April Fool’s prank, I suppose. This is one from a couple months ago
The orange blossoms on your sweet tooth yellow at me as I smile at you and I can’t gather these withering flowers with ugly dreams, nasty fiends, knocking at my door
What is it for?
Single melodies playing all around pretend to revel in its percussive sound
You know I’ll always be around
Until I’m not.
Who’s happy with their lot when all you are is what you’ve got
Distracted fingers memorize stop lights and bruises, alcoholic cruises melt into me and out of you
Find your tongue is spent working its way through the cash in my wallet
Blue rubber bands paperback hands jumping frogs and mildew incense
Innocence lost lost lost in every note
Feverish pursuit, bulbous trees taking root,
I’m too late.
Frost bitten, love ridden
Cracked and bitter lips frame one of those smiles that keep you up at night sometimes
My coat does nothing to keep out the cold.
In this quiet kind of sadness,
I’m missing those warmer months.
A shorter one from a couple months ago
I lose myself so easily,
Slipping masks on that never even fit me.
Irony being in that I know now, more than ever, who I’m meant to be.
Too often, though, this surety escapes me.
A ruse, this game we play,
No two thoughts ever the same
Coexistence, a mortal flame,
Realizations hitting, too late.
We’re all the same.
Now why don’t you act your age?
Smile and rage.
Ignore the kerosene flowing through your veins.
I need a desperate act. A heart attack accident just waiting to happen.
Sweet leaves condense underneath your tongue.
Oh whisper to me the things you would never tell anyone.
I’ll hide them under my pillow,
Dreams, fears, delusions.
I fall asleep to laughter and tears, moments collected over the years.
There are shared songs and stories—my joy, I find, has settled here
Content to rest in the times you were near.
Sometimes I wish I were an android
My only worry to look troubled and pretty
Wondering if there were more to me than circuitry
Tangled wires and synthetic skin,
Obeying a creator’s every whim
And, what, be a surgeon? A maid? A mother, to children who have nothing left in the world?
I wonder, would I be content with the part that I played, or would my heart remain, rebellious in its strain, chasing dreams that always seem so very far away.
Disillusionment is a jealous game, one I try not to abide in,
How easy, then, would it be to forget any sin, comforting knowledge in the fact that it was all part of your program. Life as a joke. Possibly a gift. Depends on how you look at it.
Cracked rib cage,
All parts of me nothing but a lump of machinery. Imitating life.
And I don’t think I could ever really know, without searching in the depths below, whether or not I truly have a soul.
Today, though, today I will stay. I know I’ll find out. Either way.
Would you love me if I disappeared?
The road is long and far from here
For there are places I must know
And though it is not my choice to walk alone
I will try to do so courageously.
Wandering through cobbled streets,
Laying to bed my suffering
Right up until it’s too much to bear.
I know I’ll only see your face everywhere
Walking behind me
Missing beside me
Brace my heart to face those fears
Cannot rely on someone who is not here.
Breaking periodically throughout the day
Standing there with nothing to say
Nothing to do,
Nothing to do.
Without you, how could I go on?
Somehow I manage, walking along.
Strangled bird’s song moves passed my lips
Standing on a precipice, I wonder,
Can a bird whose wings are lost truly fly?
Do not ask me, as I still have mine,
They’re only broken, now.
“How are you doing?”
Please don’t speak my name too loud
Your acknowledgement far out of reach
Counting seconds like pulling teeth
Silent sobs wrack this body
That old ache chasing away apathy
But is it really better?
Is it better now?
Are you better?
Are you better now?
Will you excuse me,
I need to go pick up the pieces again