Uncategorized

Segments Of Mind

The laughter in my dreams is keeping me awake. Do you know me, still? And where are you now?

You live in my mind and I’m hard pressed to find any proof of your previous existence. I reach out in hesitation, is it better that I laugh and smile, despite this stipulation?

This absolutely reeks of desperation, but isn’t that what I am? Desperate? No. Alone? Closer. Most days I scream into the echo chamber where you used to live.

My heart aches, my bones break, they tell me “god, just get over it.” but when I close my eyes I see your face. Every step reverberates with you, and I no longer know what to do.

The silence falls upon me in waves, drifting through this numbing haze, I think I see the ocean floor. I’ve never been this deep before.

The dreams tied to my ankles keep me safely weighted down, and hopes cling sticky to my chest, beseeching me to drown. 

My body is pulled apart, segmented. My once beating heart again dented, and I’m fighting now for air.

In this nightmare you’re there. You see me and I call out, but bubbles are all that fall out. With a flick you flit away, leaving me to this decay

Breath boils in my lungs. Feverish, fickle, “she’s so young”. Tears don’t show up underwater.

Waking from my death I sputter, breathing deep I feel another

Wave coming on.

A siren’s song.

I wish the numbness could be gone.

Poems · Uncategorized

Rosemary, for Remembrance

Ophelia’s flowers have gone.

Broken, faded, her smile is twisted, she sings a mad bird’s song.

“Oh my love, oh my day, come and take my life away. I’ve waited under this wretched moon, and now the cold dark calls so soon.

I’ll go floating, my stern upended, flowers strewn and love suspended

under the willow tree I talked of so; now, sweet fawn, feels long ago.”

She glides across the empty stage, oblivious in her maddened haze

“Don’t you love to hear midnight laugh?”

Her own falls out twinkling, a sound as daft

For the midnight she sees, leering down in her dreams

Flying, humming, twirling around the room, she stops.

It might be over soon.

Gentle and modern, choked up and sodden

She’s broken her

(Chissit, chassit)

Brown woven basket

Petals scatter to the floor

And Ophelia doesn’t smile anymore.

Poems · Uncategorized · writing

Wandering, Wondering

I’m wandering through machinations, trepidations, my stipulations

Casting out hands like broken wings, taking flight through this suffering

She’s a little bird again, yes she

Her fragile heart wrought with ingenuity

My skin reacts to these attacks as each crack fissures an open wound

Oozing out these wanderings I’m wondering

Don’t I mean anything to you?

Broken, shifted, the pain is mended

Tied up with strings and sealing wax, it should have ended

And I’m struggling to write a tune.

Missing, missing, that sweet ache is missing

Her bleeding heart leaves a trail through this room

(Tomb)

They sing and I cry,

I dance and you sigh,

“I can’t see you again anytime soon, my love, no I can’t see you anytime soon.”

Wait.

Gone, now, all gone.

I move along,

And left on the floor behind me,

All tissue and muscle, steadily beating useless part,

Useless heart

Obsolete.

Poems · Uncategorized

Green

If you could think like me I’d tell you, but I’m not sure you’re alive

I’m sifting through these memories and it takes a lot of time

Jumping to conclusions, my meter’s out of whack

Searching for that tiny thing that broke the camel’s back

I know that somewhere lies the answer, hidden with lock and key

I apologize if you’ve ever seen that other side of me

Rough hewn edges sewn together

My memory is rough

You think now you’ve figured it out, you say I’ve had enough

The truth is I’ve worn a deep rut in the circle in my brain

Climbing out of that pit, dear, will leave you right as rain

It’s the falling that is hardest, some days I need my rest

Tumbling down, down, down, until reality is stressed

You’re all around me now, and I know I look a fright

But growing up a little will help us sleep at night

Clear the monsters from underneath the bed

My face turned its way to you as it gently said

“We knew not what we are, which is to say, I can walk you home today. And if tomorrow the sun shines bright, the moon will glow all through the night. And when that evening is the same, we can do it all again”

“Diligent” she calls me, yes. I suppose that’s true

Diligent for every day I’m locked inside this room

Fighting for peace of mind, struggling against myself

I’ll leave it up to other people to put me on the shelf

Poems · Uncategorized

Inevitability

Tearing lungs tearing mind

Broken heart broke in kind

The saltwater shimmers there

stinging every open wound

Ruby red and heaved with dread

Warmth filters through the veins only

to be poured out again

The distant crying of some sinner

Grinding teeth into dust and wringing

hands into bone

Watch him out of pleasure or boredom

It doesn’t matter that no one will help him

He does not want to be seen

Poems · Uncategorized

Drowned

He was a carver and all that he wanted in this whole world was a

Little daughter, but his Luna, the one he had lost so

Long ago that he, couldn’t bear it.

He saw her face when he went walking,

Out on the river, a place she never went

But now as a ghost she walks there beside him

Overly loving and never retreating

Terribly close with a smile to remember

She dances in stars and floats on the mist

He doesn’t sleep, the pain unbearably fits

Going out to the river, he walks there beside her

He never saw her again as he swam in the water

She overturns pumpkins and takes down the garland

Over the years you see, without his attention

She sought it somewhere else with the heart of a child

One who is troublesome, one who is lost

She furrows her brow and calls to her master

When he doesn’t answer, she strangles the house cat,

She leaves birds on the lawn and sometimes,

Their heads are gone, strung up in a line all bloody and mangled

She begs for a partner, because she was a dancer

Only had one and that one couldn’t remember

He walks in a garden, the sun lights his path,

She walks the river, eternal fog drifting below her

If you hear her call out, don’t try to answer

The ones who did before, she adds to her broken heart,

All bloody and mangled, just like the crows are.

Strung up in rows, along the river bed

You cannot replace her lover, and for pretending she wants you dead.